Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
