good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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