i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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