my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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