my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
