This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
