my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
