Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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