I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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