in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
