Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
