A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
