I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
