I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
