i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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