I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
