I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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