if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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