he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
