ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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