Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
