Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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