well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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