They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
