did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
