i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
