im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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