I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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