While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
