I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
