Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
