Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
