I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
