He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
