She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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