She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
