Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
