My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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