i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
