Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
