You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
