Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
