so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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