I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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