I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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