My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
