This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
