ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
