a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
