Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
